Before I was nine

Before I was nine I was a preacher, ninja, magician, disc jockey, leader of a rebellion group, and all around hero.

Daddy sang bass, mama sang tenor, and a young Jonathan Mullis took the message to Frasier Street. As a young one I learned about Revelations. I was convinced that I was to be one of the two in the end time that would be preaching the return of Jesus and would probably, ultimately, give my life for the work. It was with this knowing that I dressed in my Sunday's best outfit that included a vest that would make a banker envious, picked up my Bible, and began to walk the streets of my neighborhood. How many souls were saved? How many baptized? It is hard to get an accurate number because I didn't really talk to anyone. I, instead, just walked up and down the streets holding my Bible and thinking good thoughts. I don't know how many adults I worried into a frenzy over the fear that I might knock on their door.

My dad took me to see David Copperfield. David Copperfield wore black. I decided that David Copperfield, in addition to being a highly skilled magician, was a ninja as well. I decided that I would be too. I dressed in black jeans, my David Copperfield t-shirt, and a bandanna that I wore like Karate Kid. Once I was dressed in a manner that would make it easy for me to disappear, I practiced moving around the neighborhood without being detected. I went through the neighborhood, running from tree to tree and pressing myself against walls. I did this in broad daylight. Impressed?

Z-102 was THE radio station growing up. I had a Z card. Inspired by my sister who was a teen in the 80s, I learned all of the DJs names and wanted to be them. I gathered a couple of the kids in my neighborhood and we formed a radio station in my room. The radio station was a keyboard that often just played the dog barking when you pressed the keys, a microphone that didn't hook to anything, a guitar, a harmonica, a ham radio, and the best item which was a radio/cassette/vinyl/eight track. Our show times were not consistent, but it can be argued that it was some of the best stuff on the waves at the time.

Kirsten's favorite story of that time was when I led a small platoon in the legendary battle of Frasier Forrest. My platoon consisted of myself, my friend Trey, and his little brother. We were constantly under attack from a boy named J.R. and his over sized friend. We decided to stand up for ourselves and prepared for battle. I was inspired by a combination of Rambo, Macgyver, Tour of Duty, and GI Joe. There was a small wooded area that we planned to lure our enemy into and then, by leading them through a series of booby traps, defeat them completely. We began well. They chased us on their BMX bikes. We led them into the woods through the spot of where the first trap was supposed to work. It was pretty simple. It was a line tied to a tree. Trey's little brother was hiding at the other end. He would wait for us to pass and then pull the line up on the angry youth chasing us. For reasons unforeseeable, Trey's brother being too small, our enemy rode right over the line. The following traps did not work so well either. The swinging "battering rams", objects tied by rope to the trees, swung wildly off mark. The final trap was a young sapling tied to the ground that was supposed to fly up and unseat our following foe. Our calculations failed to consider two points. One, the sapling's spirit was broken by it's incarceration resulting in its half hearted flight upwards. Two, the tree wasn't close enough to the path, so it would have missed even if it had flown with the vigor we had imagined.

When I think back on those times, I remember my mind feeling completely comfortable and completely unaware of the absurdity of my actions. It is the glory of childhood.